I have been a mess the last few days. Short tempered, grumpy and just not a pleasure to be around. Emotions fueling emotions, this grumpiness has made me sad and angry as well. I hate being grumpy (I also hate being sad and angry). With the new fallen snow I've been waiting for finally here, the Christmas spirit was what I have been looking forward to, not this! Removing myself from my family (for their sake), I rack my brain trying to find out where this is all coming from. I have been feeling a little stressed out lately, but not enough to be this grumpy. It's not the weather, or something that's happened, nothing unexpected has come in the mail, we're all still healthy and here. A few hours go by and still no solution. By this time I'm driving to the mall to get some retail therapy (you never know what could help). On my way I realize that Starbucks is still having their 2 for 1 holiday drinks. Quickly my thoughts turn to finding the nearest coffee shop. I'm not in this part of town very often, so it's not too easy to remember where one could be, after all I only go to starbucks once every few months or so.... Coming up with nothing, I find myself getting frustrated. Where could one be? My eyes dart back and forth. Oh forget it I think, I'll just backtrack to where I know there is one.
I will backtrack in this blizzard to get 2 overpriced coffee's for the price of one? (I'm by myself you know...) Huh? I barely drink coffee, let alone latte's with cream and sugar!(** I cut out 90% of my sugar 2 years ago, dropped my coffee consumption from 3 cups a day to 2 cups a week back in the summer**).... and now I'm willing to back track across town to buy sugar-filled-overpriced-coffee.... something was wrong.
I pulled over.
I nearly started crying.
I knew what was wrong.
I was addicted to sugar (again).
It hadn't taken long, and I didn't even really see it happen. I go back in time and think of what I did wrong.....
Thursday we heard about the deal and I went in for a 2 for 1 holiday drink with my youngest son (he got a hot chocolate), my gingerbread latte was surprisingly yummy, a little sweet, but it would do. I told my hubby about the sale, and mentioned that I would bring him one later when my oldest got out of school as a treat for working so much overtime lately. He usually says no to these kinds of things, so when he said yes, I was over the moon... Maybe I would get another when we got his? When we got there 2 hours later to get his coffee, thinking the deal was 'so amazing' I bought all four of us a round! (that's 2 coffee's no, make that 2 sugar filled latte's in 2 hours instead of my usual week).
Can you say TREATS!!
Friday was another snowy day. I'm not 100% sure, but I think I may have woken up thinking about gingerbread latte's. Needless to say I was there after lunch with my youngest again getting our 2 for 1. It was good, but it wasn't Great. I was hooked!
While thinking back through the last few days images crept into my mind of cookies, cookies that I don't usually eat, but have been 'craving' lately. Why didn't I notice this sooner? How many did I eat?
It's now Monday, and I've been off 'sugar' for 2 entire days now. I feel terrible, and happy at the same time. I still feel the 'pull' for sugar, but I know it will pass. When I first quit sugar a few years ago it was a terrifying struggle that lasted a few weeks. This is not as bad. I can do it. I guess it's better now then on January 1st!